Another New Years Good Luck Recipe

First and foremost, so that Jon doesn’t get all peeved again, this recipe comes from Homesick Texan, who adapted it from Gourmet. At least that’s the route I got through; your’s may be different. Black-eyed peas are traditional and so are collard greens. And, as Jen pointed out, the first recipe lacked pig. HT seems to have neatly fused everything together into a pot of simmering goodness.

New Year’s Day Good Fortune Soup (adapted from Gourmet)
Ingredients:
1/2 pound of collard greens, stems removed and chopped
1/2 pound of cooked ham, diced
2 15 oz. cans of black-eyed peas (can use fresh or frozen as well)
1 small onion, diced
6 cloves of garlic, minced
1 large carrot, diced
5 chipotle chiles chopped
1 can of Ro-Tel tomatoes
1 teaspoon of thyme
4 cups of chicken broth
2 teaspoons of apple cider vinegar
A pinch of sugar
2 tablespoons of bacon grease (can use olive oil or vegetable oil if you prefer ed: no you may not!)
Salt and pepper to taste

Method:
1. In a large pot, cook the onion and carrots in the bacon grease on medium-high heat for 10 minutes or until onions start to turn golden. Add the garlic and cook for three more minutes.
2. Add to the pot the collard greens, vinegar, sugar, ham, chicken stock, chipotles, Ro-Tel tomatoes and thyme, and bring pot to a boil and then simmer for half an hour, stirring occasionally.
3. Take one can of black-eyed peas, and roughly mash with a fork. Add these and the other can of black-eyed peas to the pot.
4. Continue to simmer soup for another 45 minutes.

Goodbye 2007… Please Don’t

This will be my annual New Year’s Eve plea. Attention all of you revelers:

You are going to consume adult beverages tonight. Some of you are very likely going to make complete fools out of yourselves. Some of you are going to engage in the stupid tradition of busting off a few rounds from a gun into the air to bring in the New Year. Don’t. Really. The sound is not going to scare off the bad joss of 2008. You’re not going to look good with bleeding ears. Your date will not appreciate the ringing ears that will be endured for a few days. And the bullets are going to come down somewhere. Do not be an IDIOT.

1. Treat every gun as if it is loaded.
2. Never point a gun at something you do not intend to shoot.
3. Keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to shoot.
4. Know your target and what’s behind it (this is the part for you folks who want to shoot off a gun in the air).

Stash Your Trash

Please don’t let me be the first to tell you about Forever Landfill. The gist of the matter is this: Los Angeles is a typical Southern California people mecca in that it has far outgrown it’s own resources and capacity to even come close to sustaining itself. It now holds true for trash, too. Very soon, LA will be out of room for refuse. Private industry to the rescue! Forever Landfill lets you purchase your very own garbage dump plot (hillside or flat) and will pretty much guarantee that your unwanted stuff always has a place to rest. As long as they are in business, of course. Giant curbside trash bins available in a variety of photoshopped decor…

Wild Wild West

Any damsel that’s in distress
Be out of that dress when she meet Jim West.

Heard that silly song on the radio today. Made me remember how positively awful this movie (Wild Wild West, 1999) was. Not even the universally accepted Will Smith could help morph the old TV series into a watchable movie. Catchy lyrics, though.

New Year’s Tradition

Black eyed peas. Let’s face it… they’re boring. So jazz ’em up a bit!

2 cans black eyed peas, rinsed and drained
2 cans Rotel diced tomatoes with chiles
1 can corn
2-3 jalapeno peppers, diced and seeded (to taste)
1/2 bunch cilantro, finely chopped (to taste, it can be quite strong)
8 oz. zesty Italian dressing

Dump it all in a pan and let simmer until your team wins (or loses). Works well with corn bread (baked in cast iron, of course).

Legal Immunity

I live in Harris County, Texas. More is the pity. The District Attorney for Harris County is Chuck Rosenthal. I don’t like him. At all. “Why?” you may ask… Because this DA doesn’t play by the rules and he doesn’t think that the rules and the laws should apply to him. It has nothing to do with his party affiliation (he’s a Republican, though).

Rosy is the same turd muffin who decided a while back to ignore new legislation created by State lawmakers that allowed anyone who could legally own a firearm in Texas to carry one concealed while traveling in their vehicles. Rosy ordered all LEO’s in Harris County to ignore the statute and to continue issuing arrests and citations for carrying. At tremendous cost to the taxpayers of Texas, the legislature had to go back and spend more time and effort just to bitch-slap Rosy so that he was forced to comply with the new law.

Apparently, Rosy also doesn’t think that the rules and regulations involving romantic endeavors in the workplace apply to him. Ya see… Rosy, who happens to be married, has the hots for his executive secretary, Kerry Stevens. And Rosy likes using County email resources to profess his love to her. Of course, Rosy didn’t want the emails released (he’s involved in an election campaign). The 130 e-mails that were briefly released paint a picture of a district attorney’s office that’s deliberate and hard-working, but sometimes coy and secretive. Not to mention, horny.

Dear Chuck… Please resign. And get divorced. And take up an occupation that doesn’t involve people’s trust. Like chicken sexing.

Cleavage

For several weeks, the number one search term that has led folks to this blog is cleavage. Have some more.

No Smoking C’est la Vie…

Another smoking ban ratchets up. No more smoking anywhere that is closed or covered in France (with a few exceptions). French cafe’ society is sure to take a hit. Yes, folks should have the right to go to places that are smoke free. But merchants should also be allowed to cater to clientele that wants to smoke. And if somebody doesn’t want to work in a place that smells of smoke… don’t work there.

Note To Stepson: You’re Fired!

The Texas Longhorn team wasn’t playing for the championship or the BCS bonnet. But they were playing in the Holiday Bowl against the Arizona State Sun Devils. Sure, it was the capper to a somewhat frustrating season for those whose blood bleeds burnt orange. After all, the Aggies just whooped up on Turkey Day. But even Sun Devils QB Rudy Carpenter (pictured above) was confused about some of the tumult on the field.

With the Longhorns leading 21-0 and the Sun Devils driving early in the second quarter, ASU’s Rudy Carpenter dropped back to pass and was hit by linebacker Roddrick Muckelroy. The ball squirted backward, toward the Longhorns’ sideline.  Chris Jessie, a member of his stepfather’s (head coach Mack Brown) football operations staff, stepped about a yard onto the field and was motioning toward a player when he reached down and appeared to touch the ball with his left thumb. Texas defensive tackle Roy Miller slapped the ball away from the sideline and defensive end Aaron Lewis recovered and returned it to about the ASU 44. After a 12-minute review, officials reversed the play. They ruled that Jessie touched the ball, which is illegal interference, an unsportsmanlike foul. The ball reverted to the Sun Devils and Texas was penalized half the distance to the goal, giving ASU fourth-and-3 at the 7. Carpenter threw a touchdown pass to Chris McGaha.

The camera kept focusing on Jessie for the rest of the game showing his pained expression. I’m pretty certain that Pa told him to stay the hell away from the sideline. If Jessie is smart, he’ll parlay this into one of those Southwest Airlines “Want To Get Away” commercials. The Longhorns won the game 52 to 17.

Your Christmas Did Not Stink

Wherever it was, it had to be a lot better than the place Robert Schoff found himself in. The 77-year-old Des Moines, Iowa man began his holiday with a toilet problem. So he went out to his septic tank and tried to remove the clog. Instead, it removed him. The senior lost his balance and fell into the slop, with his head trapped inside and his feet kicking wildly in the air. The 5’5″, 135-lbs. man tried yelling for help at the top of his lungs but no one heard him. “It was the worst Christmas Eve I’ve ever had.”