Some of you may have figured out that there is a lot of stuff that gets done to you when you get a suspicion or diagnosis of cancer. The definitive test for determining if you have CLL is a bone marrow biopsy/aspiration. You are given a milligram of Atavan via IV (not nearly enough, IMO), your ass is loaded up with Lidocaine (think tooth extraction numb) and then a well-intentioned specialist attacks your hip bone with a medieval torture instrument. Yes, there is a stinging from the Lidocaine injections. Yes, you feel pressure as the sadist twists the Jamshidi needle (I think of it more as an Arctic deep core sampler…) into your friggin’ hip bone. But what nobody tells you about is the crunching sound that needle makes as it breaks through the hip bone to pick up bone shards and then slurp out marrow. And when that Lidocaine wears off you are damn sore. For a long time. For next time:
- Repeat the selection of boxers.
- Repeat the selection of mondo-expandable basketball shorts.
- Either more Atavan or conscious sedation, please.
- Ear plugs (although I suspect they will not help).
- Not a first thing in the morning appointment. I want to pretty much go from the procedure to asleep for the night.
- Request something for the “discomfort” for the few days post gouging.